


Ecstatic

by believethatican



Category: MMFD, My Mad Fat Diary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-19 04:57:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19349938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/believethatican/pseuds/believethatican
Summary: She's never just up and left him with no warning before. He needs to know whats spooked her,





	1. Chapter 1

He’s been looking forward to finishing work tonight. It’s Thursday and with the Easter bank holiday weekend, he gets an extra two days to spend with Rae. Things have been a little odd between them recently. Firstly she’d had this viral infection, that’s what the doctor had said. Anyway she’d slept loads, complained about being grouchy and said that she was aching all over. He hates seeing her sick, just as much as he hated seeing her upset, so yeah he did get a little over-protective, he did tell her she should take a few days off work to rest and that’s when she’d boiled over in anger, and told him that she found him suffocating. He shudders thinking about that row, he was lost. Usually when they argued, it would build for a few days and then would come to a head over the silliest little thing that neither one of them would be able to remember why they started arguing in the first place. He hated arguing with her but the make up sex was out of the world, any sort of sex was out of the world providing it was with Rae. This argument though came from nowhere; he’d come home from work one evening, and found her rolling around moaning in bed holding her stomach. He’d gotten her some water and sat on the bed moving her hair out of her face, before suggesting that if she still didn’t feel well maybe she should take a few days off, and that was it, she’d barely spoken to him since. That was over a week ago, even their weekly trip to the pub with the gang was a frosty occasion. It was Chop and Izzy’s first night out since they’d had their little boy, and although Rae had spoken to Chop and Izzy just fine and had a laugh with Chloe and Arch, even though she’d snuggled up to him and it had been the longest he’d managed to get his arm around her and hold her close since their words earlier in the week, The second Izzy had mentioned that somebody else had to have a baby, Rae had frozen. Sensing her discomfort on the topic, Finn had stepped in and said there was no babies coming anytime soon for them, they were looking forward to decorating their new house. And while Rae had smiled and nodded along, that had been the last night he’d cuddled her while she was awake and aware.

 

Its not that Finn didn’t want a baby, and it’s certainly not that he didn’t want a baby with Rae, he reckons she’d be a brilliant mother. He just didn’t see the point in rushing, he knew he was going to be with Rae for the rest of his life, why rush when they have plenty of time, plus Rae had only just started her first teaching job this September gone, and he was putting in a lot of extra work at the studio for this big promotion, besides Rae’s only 24 and although they’d talked about having kids, they hadn’t said they were ready for them yet. He wanted to get a ring on her finger soon too. So he knows that him putting the baby talk at the pub table wasn’t what had bothered Rae.

 

She’d looked a bit perkier this week, he noticed she hadn’t been complaining of feeling sick and she had been eating more normally. He knows she’s had a complicated relationship with food in the past but she had pretty much got over it when she moved to uni for the second time, although she still had her bad days. Still when she picked at her food, he did nothing but worry. As she had been feeling much like her normal self, he had stayed late at work every night this week, just to get the final bits of his project ready before the long weekend. The more he managed to get done before Friday the longer he’d have to spend with Rae. A four-day weekend was pretty much a rarity. He thinks about taking her out for breakfast in the morning as he finishes the final touches, thinks about maybe taking her to her favourite bookstore two towns over, while he submits his piece. He picks up his phone before noticing its dead and sighs, tucking it into his coat pocket he picks up his bike helmet before locking his office and making his way back home to Rae. Hopefully this weekend, they can have a talk and he can find out what really is bothering her.

 

Once he’s home he notices that there are no lights on in the house, Rae must be in bed sleeping, it’s pretty late after all. He locks the front door behind him, before making his way into the kitchen to put the kettle on, and to plus his phone in. He lays two mugs out before making his way upstairs to the bathroom and to check on Rae. Sometimes when he comes home late and she’s in bed, she’ll wake up and share a tea with him before they go to sleep. When he gets to the bedroom its pitch black, its weird he thinks. She doesn’t like being in the house alone a night so she usually keeps the bedside light on dim. He moves around the room as quietly as he can before switching the bedside lamp on, the beds neatly made, but Rae’s not curled up inside it. He tries not to worry, its 11.30pm she could have gone for a drink with her work mates celebrating the end of term, he knows from Christmas they tend to get a little out of control. If not she could be over at one of their friends, Chloe’s on a break from her boyfriend, Archie and Matt love having Rae over, or she could even be keeping Izzy company while Chops out for one of his mates stag do. He changes into a pair of jogging bottoms and takes of his shirt, before going back down to finish making his tea and figures he’ll just call her.

 

When he gets back into the kitchen his phone is just booting up. Stupid Apple he thinks, why does his phone have to have at least 10% charge before it turns on. It makes no sense. He busies himself preparing his bru while his phone starts up. He’s just put the milk back in the fridge when his phone makes that annoying PING noise. Seeing it’s a text from Rae he relaxes, he sees the time stamp as 5:43 and surmises that she probably still is out with her work mates and that she’s telling him she’ll be home later than him tonight. He unlocks his phone and clicks to view the message and what he finds has him instantly worried.

 

‘Going to spend the night with Mum and Jazz. Karim’s working late and Jazz misses me. Didn’t call, as I know you need to finish your project. See you tomorrow xxx ’

 

His heart is beating fast, he knows things have been off between them recently, but its not terrible, or so he thought. She’s never gone off to stay at her mums like that before. He sighs loudly; he really must have fucked up. Figuring it’s too late to call her now, he sends a reply disgusted that he hadn’t replied to her before

 

‘I Love you Mae. Sleep well. Miss you girl xxx’

 

He checks the back door and makes his way upstairs taking his bru and phone with him, he stops at the cupboard door under the stairs and pulls out his bottle of whiskey, He’s going to need it if he has any chance of sleeping. He settles in bed pouring a double shot into his tea. He looks over to her side of the bed, it looks cold and he feels miserable without her. Swallowing his tea and whiskey concoction he lays down. His phone pings again and he knows its her.

 

‘I love you. Night Finn xxx’

 

He smiles sadly to himself before sending her a reply;

 

‘Night Girl. See you tomorrow xxx’

 

He locks his phone and forces his eyes closed, he doesn’t hear his phone ping again and after what feels like an hour he finally falls asleep.

 

******

Its 8:03am when he wakes he thinks instantly of his Rae. He can’t remember the last time they spent the night apart and he doesn’t think he’d want to again. Its not that Rae wanted to spend time with her mum and sister that bothers him. It’s the way they’ve been recently, and he feels she only went to her mums to get away from him. Deciding that today is the day that they have the talk or at least he tries to talk to her he sends Linda a text hoping she wont tell Rae.

 

‘Morning Linda, I was thinking of making my way over and maybe we could all go for breakfast?’

 

Linda replies instantly

‘Oh that would be lovely. Ring your dad and invite him. I’ll get Jazz ready, Rae isn’t up yet, she was up through the night. I’ll let you surprise her. See you soon’

 

‘I hope she’s okay, I’ll shower and make my way over.’

 

He hops in the shower and he’s not ashamed to admit that it possibly is the quickest he’s got ready. He’s on the motorway within 30 minutes and calls his dad asking him if he wants to join. His dad agrees and Finn explains he’ll call his dad when they’re getting ready to leave. He pulls into a service station for petrol and sees some lovely sunflowers. Rae loves sunflowers so he buys her a bunch and decides that he’ll buy Linda a bouquet of roses. Feeling bad on Jazz he picks her up a small bouquet too. Before he knows it he’s pulling up outside Rae’s mums and he feels a little queasy. He knocks quietly not wanting to wake Karim or Rae if she’s still asleep. Jazz answers and jumps into his free arm, he’s happy to see her, she’s so much like Rae. She smiles and spreads happiness everywhere. He hands Jazz her little bunch of flowers and she laughs and hugs him, he follows Jazz into the kitchen where Linda is stood making a few cups of tea, she smiles at him and hugs her before handing her the Roses, she smiles in thanks and her and Jazz set about trimming their flowers for their vases. Linda hands Finn a tray with two teas and a cup of water before telling him that Rae went to sleep in Jazz’s room. Finn makes his way up the stairs to what used to be Rae’s room. He’s quiet so he doesn’t wake Karim; all those years of sneaking in Rae’s room at night and out early morning have trained him well. He doesn’t make a noise. He knocks softly on the bedroom door and hears Rae mumble. “Come in mum”.

 

He open’s the door and Rae in lay in bed, the duvet covering her. He places the tray of drinks on Jazz’s bedside table and takes a seat in the space next to her without saying a word. He sits in silence for a few seconds before Rae pipes up “Why are you being so quiet mum. I told you last night everything between me and Finn is okay.”

 

Finn speaks softly “well, that doesn’t sound so convincing does it.” He feels Rae jump in the bed before she sits up. As soon as he sees her face he knows she’s been crying, her eyes are bloodshot, and she looks ever so tired, more tired than she looked the other week when she had been ill.

 

“When did you get here? I was going to call you today, we need to talk.” her voice trails off and Finn worries. It sounds so cliché, is their talk going to involve the phrase ‘its not you its me’. Where did he go so wrong, his girl is so upset, obviously been upset for a while and he missed it? He tucks a piece of loose hair behind her ear and cups her cheek.

 

“Look Rae, I’m sorry if I’ve been difficult to be around recently, and I’m really sorry that I’ve been suffocating you. I just worry. I worry about you a lot, and when you’re sick, it makes me worry even more. I love you so much, and I know I’ve done something to upset you. I’ve really tried to rack my brains but I’m not sure exactly what I’ve done, so I figured there maybe a few things. Please can you just tell me, so I can apologise and stop doing whatever I’ve done.” She giggles and sobs at the same time, and he really thinks he’s in for it, he should know what he’s done. He’s 25, he should know by now when he’s done something wrong. He thinks ‘fucking idiot’ to himself.

 

“You’ve not done anything wrong, its me. And what I said about you suffocating me was a lie. It was mean and I shouldn’t have said it. I didn’t want to hurt you, I was just feeling so off at the time and it all came out wrong. I ran away to mums last night because I figured something out and I didn’t want to be in the house alone. I’m sorry I did that, it’s not fair to you.”

 

“Don’t apologise Rae, we’ve all said things we didn’t mean before. You can run to your mums whenever you want, as long as it means you’re not chucking me.” he smiles, trying to make a bit of a joke about the whole thing, whatever it is she figured out last night has obviously scared her. “I was coming over this morning to see you, but I mentioned to your mum over us all going out for breakfast I’ve even invited dad. It’s been a while since we’ve all done something, thought it would be nice to spend some time together. But if you’re not up to that then we don’t have to.” he smiles at her so she knows that its really okay if she doesn’t want to. Maybe they can invite everyone around for Easter lunch on Sunday instead.

 

She shakes her head no before agreeing that breakfast is a good idea. She stands from the bed and lifts her overnight bag into the space she’s just vacated. When she unzips the bag, Finn thinks she freeze slightly, so he hands her the bru her mum made her and takes the other for himself. They drink in silence, and he wonders what it is that Rae figured out, that’s bothering her so much. He knows she’ll tell him eventually, so he doesn’t feel the need to ask. Rae sets her cup back down on the tray and kisses Finn; she grabs the towel out of her bag and makes her way to her mum’s bathroom. Finn sits and waits for her, he’s happy they’re talking, he feels at ease now and the nervous feeling he’s been carrying for a week has finally eased. He hears Rae whisper shout to him for her toothbrush. He smiles to himself before standing and opening her bag, he rummages around inside feeling for the toothbrush, she’s always over-packing her bags, finally he grasps it and pulls it out. Only it’s not her toothbrush, no. It’s a pregnancy test. He hears her call again so he looks for her toothbrush while grasping the pregnancy test in his hand, his heart thumping in his chest. Finally he locates her toothbrush and makes his way to her, she’s stood with her head stuck out the crooked open door, grasping her towel to her body. She smiles at him and hands her her toothbrush. She goes to shut the door but he brings his foot out to stop it. She looks at him questionly, and then without knowing a better way to ask, without vocalising the question because he knows, god he knows he wont be able to string together a word let alone a sentence, he brings his arm from around his back and holds the pregnancy test to his chest, sort of like he’s presenting it to her. She still looks confused when he looks back to her so he looks down again, her eyes drop to where he’s looking and he looks back up waiting. She looks up slowly like a dear caught in headlights and nods slowly. That nod is all Finn needs to push the bathroom door open and make his way inside. He kisses her all over her face; over and over before asking, “Really Rae, Were having a baby?” she looks stunned by his happiness but nods anyway. Finn pulls her close and kisses her head, before the penny drops. This is what she had figured out, no wonder she was overwhelmed.

 

Sensing that she’s pretty stiff, Finn holds her at arms length so he can get a good look at her. She isn’t smiling, if anything she looks upset. “What’s wrong Girl? Aren’t you happy? I know we hadn’t discussed it at length or anything but.” he trails off noticing her tears.

 

“I, I, Erm the other night at the pub, you said no babies anytime soon, I’m sorry is this isn’t what you want right now. I’m not sure how it happened. I’ve been taking my pill.” She sniffs hard, and Finn’s heart hurts, how could she think he’d be unhappy. He pulls her close into his chest and speaks so softly but so certainly at the same time so she knows he isn’t lying. “Rae, this is the best news I’ve ever had. Of course I want our baby, are you happy Girl?” She nods into his chest and he can feel a smile on her lips. “That at the pub well, I only said it because I felt you freeze. I tried to change the conversation. Talking obviously still isn’t my strongest point. I’m sorry if I made you think I didn’t want a baby. I do. How far gone are you? Is this why you’ve been sick?”

 

It all makes sense to him now, he can’t believe it he’s going to be a dad. Him and Rae have made something so perfect. God he loves her. “I froze at the pub because I realised I’m nearly two months late. I should have noticed before but I’ve been so busy at work. I’m guessing me being pregnant is why I’ve been sick and why I’ve been so tired. I’m going to go doctors on Tuesday. You’ll come wont you?”

 

The worry in her voice when she asks him unsettles him and he knows he’s going to have to do a lot more to reassure her. “You bet I’ll be there, I’m so excited Rae. I love you so so much.” He can’t help but kiss her; he can’t help but deepen the kiss either. She pulls back groaning about it being gross, and how she hasn’t brushed her teeth yet. He doesn’t care though and he dives straight back in.

 

******

An hour later, they’re all sat around a table in the newly refurbished Café, Karim included. Finn and Rae haven’t let go of each other, and they can’t stop smiling. Gary makes a joke about how it’s nice to see Finn crack a smile every once in a while, and Linda joins in saying how Rae had been so miserable last night. They all make small talk and enjoy their food and drinks. Once their plates have been cleared Jazz finial snaps. “That’s it, why are you two so smiley? You’re making me feel sick.”

 

Finn looks at Rae as if to ask if they can tell them. He looks so happy and it makes her tear up slightly, she nods and he pulls her under his arm and into his chest before placing a kiss onto her head. When he looks up he has three sets of eyes staring at him wondering what that exchange was all about. Being the ever so cool guy he is, he takes a swig of his tea before announcing.

 

“Rae’s pregnant. We’re having a baby. I’m going to be a daddy.”

 

Jazz is silent, Karim and Linda clap and his dad looks like he could cry. Hugs are exchanged, and congratulations are given from everyone but Jazz, who is still silent and still, but there’s a smile on her face and it looks like her face might crack from excitement. Rae pipes up with a giggle.

 

“Eeww, Jazz knock it off. Your happiness is making me feel sick.” Jazz is ever so quick to reply.

 

“I think that’s called morning sickness.”

Everybody laughs. Finn can’t believe how ecstatic he is this happiness is like nothing he’s ever felt before and it just keeps bubbling inside him. He looks over to Rae and plants a kiss on her lips, Jazz muttering ‘Gross’ in the background, before breaks the kiss and speaks “I love you. God I love you so much”


	2. Chapter 2

He knows he put a lot of work in for this big promotion a few months ago, and he sure is glad he got it. It’s not necessarily the pay that makes the job worthwhile; its more the free weekends he gets to spend with Rae, the little trips away that he can take her on, and the artists he gets to meet. What he isn’t so happy about, is the amount of late nights he’s been pulling. He’s sure that Mike hadn’t had to pull as many late nights in his whole redency, as he has in the last five months. It worries him more that Rae is pregnant, by a long eight months (he’s so close to holding his newborn baby girl. He can’t contain his excitement, he wonders what she’ll smell like, weird he knows, but every new born has a smell, and he can’t wait to find out if she smells like Rae’s vanilla), he worries that Rae isn’t resting enough, he worries that she goes into Labour while she’s sleeping and nobody is around to help. More than anything else though, he worries that Rae is sat up unable to rest because she’s too busy worrying that she isn’t going to be a good enough mother.

 

They’ve only ever spoken about it once; just after her 12-week scan. They’d seen their baby, and listened to her healthy heartbeat, they’d even asked for a few minutes alone while they both cried happy tears, or so he thought. But Rae had been quiet on their journey home, and when he reached over the gears for her hand, she’d blurted it out like word vomit.   


“What if our baby is born just like me? What if our baby picks up my behaviours and then ends up mad like me? What if my Craziness is too much and I don’t get to bond Finn? I can’t do this. I’ll fuck this up like I’ve fucked up most things I’ve ever tried at”

 

He let a tear fall at this, luckily they were only round the corner from their home, and once he was parked he was able to give her all his attention. He’d kept his reply simple and to the point

 

“You already love our baby Rae, otherwise you wouldn’t be this worried. And as for our baby turning out like you, then we’d be the luckiest parents alive. You amaze me every single day, I fall in love with you more each day.”

 

More tears fall, but she smiles softly and Finn thinks maybe he’s finally got it right this time. They make their way into their home, and sit and cuddle on the couch, where after a while Rae confesses that she hasn’t been able to sleep much, and that she’s been so concerned she’s doing something wrong throughout pregnancy. After reassuring her that she’s perfect, he goes and makes her a bru in her favourite mug, and brings down the duvet that she likes. They spend the rest of the day cuddling on the couch and when Rae wakes up after a five-hour sleep, she’s a much happier version of herself. He can’t help but bring up her worrying over not bonding with their baby. He explains that it’s nothing to be ashamed of; lots of new mums have experiences with post-natal depression. That if she does end up experiencing it, that it doesn’t make her any less of a mum, and that they will get through it together. She snuggles into his chest, and tells him how much she loves him.

 

He’s nearly home now, he picked up his speed while he thought about Rae’s doubts, he wants to be with her all the time. He wonders what this weekend will have in store for them; maybe he could finally lay out the nursery to the layout they had first tried. He knows they’ve got a pile of baby clothes to finish washing before she arrives, maybe this weekend will be the perfect time. He thinks about taking Rae on a late night drive down London for her to see the winter lights. She’ll never admit it, but he knows how much Christmas lights and festivities make her happy and relax her, and while Christmas is another four weeks off, London’s winter wonderland is in full swing. When he gets to his front gate, he notices the living room light is on, he looks at his watch and sees that its twelve thirty-seven in the morning, he wonders maybe she left the light on for him. He quietly unlocks the front door before locking it just as quietly behind him. He takes off his winter boots and unzips his winter coat, before making his way further into the house. He’s freezing without his coat on and he wonders why Rae hasn’t had the heating on. He nudges the living room door open with his hip making his way into the front room and as he goes to place his work bag down on the chair, he notices Rae, buried under a duvet, with every pillow they own around her for support, she’s sat upright, and his neck twinges, the way her head is hanging. Under her eyes look slightly purple and they’re puffy beyond belief, she must be knackered, he begins to think that maybe booking her in at the local spa this weekend would be a better idea than a drive down London. He creeps his way over to her, placing the lightest of kisses to her forehead, and ever so gently pushing her hair behind her ear, but it his tenderness is pointless.

 

She jolts awake a look of panic on her face until she realises its just him.

“Didn’t mean to scare you girl. How you feeling? Do you need anything?” Finn whispers, hoping to maintain the relaxed atmosphere, she had going on.

She just smiles and pulls him down to sit next to her. He can’t help but cuddle her. He notices that she’s breathing deeply; he can’t help but feel guilty, that she’s experiencing all this pain and un-comfortableness, and all he gets is to look forward to the arrival of their little girl. They sit in silence for a while, Finn playing with her hair before she asks him to make her a bru. He kisses her on her head before making his way into the kitchen.

 

He realises that their kitchen isn’t as tidy as it was this morning when he left. No there are laundry detergents and cleaning products out. He switches the kettle on and makes his way back through to the living room, where he tells Rae,  
“be back down in a sec, just going to get out my work clothes.”  
All she does is nod. As he’s walking up their stairs he smells that the upstairs has had a deep clean. He and Rae used to joke about the smell of bleach being the sign of their parents having a day off in each of their houses. Firstly walking past the bathroom he spots that it has undergone a deep clean, the lights been left on, a usual sign if he’s honest, Rae really hates being in the house on her own at night recently. He shuts the bathroom door and makes his way down to their bedroom, it’s a lot tidier than it was this morning, but the bed sheets haven’t been changed. He quickly changes before making his way back out their room, the nursery door catches his eye and he wonders over. The door is pulled to but not shut, and the lights are one. He pushes the door open and the room looks as if a bomb has gone off. Their baby girls clothes are all over the floor in piles, under the windowsill is Rae’s hospital bag, that has been packed and ready for the last three weeks, but not right now, right now it’s contents are all over the floor around it. He sighs, he’s not sure how to bring this up with her this late a night, but he can’t leave it, not when he knows she is struggling this much.

 

Making his way back down to deliver Rae her Tea, he spies on her while he walks through their front room. She looks more chilled now than she did when he first arrived home, she’s no longer sat up but instead is lay down. When he reaches the kitchen he flips the kettle back on to re-boil and sets himself busy with the task of preparing Rae’s tea. Once their drinks are ready he wonders back through, turning the kitchen lights off as he goes. The sound of Rae’s cup colliding with the table rouses her from her snooze and she starts to sit up, before Finn tells her its fine. Rae shakes her head no before asking him to sit with her. Of course he obliges, pulling her to lean on his chest. He hands her her tea, which she takes with a smile, and Finn thinks to himself, it’s now or never.   


“Have you spent the day cleaning Girl? The smell of bleach up the stairs is potent to say the least” he smiles, and hopes she can pick up the jest in his voice.

 

“Yeah, I can’t remember the last time the bathroom had a good clean, and I really wanted a bath, but I just got carried away in there.” she replies, he can tell she’s not being entirely honest, her body is stiff.

 

“Wasn’t just the bathroom by the looks of it, our room and the nursery has had a going over to.” He waits for her reply, but it doesn’t come. She’s quiet, like she’s done something wrong. He can’t see her face with the way they’re sitting; he can read her facial expressions, which usually give him a clue as to how she is feeling. He wonders how to move on from this chat, to really get to the important stuff and that’s when he feels the tears dropping onto his arm.

 

“Rae. Babe, I didn’t mean to upset you, it’s okay that your cleaning. I thought it was pretty normal; it’s in all the baby books I’ve been reading, although it’s referred to as nesting. The cleaning doesn’t bother me. What happened in babies room Rae? It looks as if somebody’s been in and trashed it.” she sobs harder at this, he pulls her into his chest tighter hoping that her breathing will completely even out, it takes some time, but he hears her counting to 10. Something he hasn’t heard her do for a good few years now. After her eighth go, she relaxes. She takes a sip of her tea before vocalising her worries.

 

“I’ll clean it, I didn’t mean for it to end up in a mess like that, I went in to get some of her clothes to wash, and while I was filling the washing basket, I noticed the hospital bag. I dunno what’s got into me but I can’t stop freaking out about missing something. I know we packed that bag together but I just feel like there is something important missing. I was piling it all to re-pack and check off the list as I went, when I needed a wee. And as I stood, I got this sharp pain and I slipped and knocked my piles over.” She stops and breathes, before taking another mouthful of tea before launching back into her explanation. “I was so mad that everything I’d folded and neatly piled had got mixed up, that as I walked to the toilet, I kicked the washing basket over. I don’t know why I’m so angry, I’m just so uncomfortable and my hormones are driving me wild. I can’t sleep, and when I can’t sleep my old behaviour starts creeping back in. You know I’ve been turning the light switches on and off again. I did intend to go back in an tidy, but then as if I wasn’t already having a right time of it, I hit my hip of the bathroom door knob, and I’ve been in a bit of pain ever since.”

 

At this Finn pushes Rae off him before standing, and pulling her up too. She stares at him bewildered by his behaviour, but he carries on, he lifts her night shirt up over her bump and looks at her hips, and that’s where he sees the angry bruise on her right side. “Christ girl that must have been some bang. Do you want to go get checked over?” she shakes her head no. He runs his fingertips softly over the bruise before bending to kiss it, and before her makes his way up he drops a few kisses onto her bump. He pulls Rae’s nightdress back down before kissing her softly. “How long have you really been struggling for? You can tell me things you know, no matter how daft you think they are.”

 

Rae nods and explains that she knows. He sits them both back down while they finish their drinks in quiet. Rae yawns and Finn rubs her lower back. Once their teas have been drank, Finn is pulling Rae back up, this time up the stairs, to their bedroom where he sits her, and kisses her head before disappearing. A few seconds later, Rae can hear the bath running and a minute later she can smell lavender. Once the bath stops running Finn is back in the bedroom collecting Rae, he walks her into the dimly lit bathroom, and helps her undress. “I’ll be back in a little while. Call me if you need me okay? I’m just going to sort through a few things.” he says as he helps lower her into the bath. She sighs with content once she’s sunk in. He’s not sure if it’s the warmth of the water, the scent, or the candles, either way he’s happy she can relax.

 

His first stop on his mission is their bedroom. Quickly walking over to their wardrobe, he pulls out the bottom draw for fresh sheets. Clearly she hadn’t changed the bed sheets while she was cleaning before as it would be to difficult considering how late on she is with the pregnancy. He tears the old bedding off and makes work of the new, not forgetting to spray both the pillows and the duvet with Rae’s Deep Sleep pillow spay he’d gotten her. She loved the smell of lavender and the first night she’d used it, was the first night in three months, she had slept through. Carrying their old bed sheets out the room he makes his way to the nursery. He understands now that she hadn’t gone in with the intention of causing such a mess, and it does relax him slightly, however he still is deeply unsettled that she is worrying so much. Non the less, he knows he needs to step it up a little, he makes his way over the biggest pile of baby clothes next to the draws. The second draw down is slightly open and the washing basket is already full. Lifting the washing basket up onto the top of the draws he sees that the clothes in there have already been washed and dried. He pulls open the very to draw and believe it or not, there is nothing in there. All the clothes that belong to that draw have been washed already. ‘She’s really been busy tonight’ he thinks. He works quickly putting their little girls pre-washed clothes into the top draw before loading the now empty washing basket full of the clothes from the pile on the floor. Then he makes his way over to the window, where the hospital bag has been unpacked. He pulls the list over to himself and packs it from top to bottom. Rae was right there was something missing, for they have both missed out her Pyjamas. He quickly wonders back to their room and pulls the bag, which has Rae’s hospital Pyjamas, they brought not to long ago, before going back to the nursery and placing them in the bag to. Once everything looks straight in there he picks up the basket and the hospital bag, flicks the light off and closes the door.

 

Walking past the bathroom, he sticks his head around the door to check on Rae, He’s not sure if she has dosed off again, or if she’s that relaxed at the minute she’s as still as she would be if she was sleeping, but he decides against disturbing her. He makes his way down the stairs and leaves the hospital bag at the front door near his shoes, before making his way back through the living room to the kitchen. His first duty here is to fill the washer with the baby clothes. Once they’re in and its started spinning, he starts to put away the cleaning products Rae had been using. He flips the kettle on and starts preparing her a Camomile tea, and pulls a bottle of iced water from the freezer. She had taken to drinking in the night, and with her being warm, iced water helps cool her. He runs into the living room and quickly tidies, putting the cushions back where they belong, and folding the blanket she had been using back over the couch. He takes the two cups from earlier and washes them. Satisfied everything is done for the night, he takes the two drinks upstairs, and places her water next to her side on the bed, before grabbing her a fresh towel and some clean pyjarmas

 

Once he’s satisfied that the fresh bedding should keep her slightly relaxed, he makes his was to her, pushing through the bathroom door he notices she’s now sat forward.   
“Rae, what’s wrong?” he questions as he rushes over, placing her tea on the side of the bath. She looks over her shoulder at him before smiling with a slight wince, “Nothing, just got a spasm in my lower back is all. It’s easing up now. Is that tea for me?”

Finn shows her a bashful smile, “of course girl, thought you could give camomile a go tonight. See if that helps with you sleeping.”

Rae smiles before picking up the cup and leaning back and enjoying the tea. Once she has drunk it, she hands Finn the cup, before asking if he can help her out. Finn kisses her head before pulling the plug. As the water is running down the drain, he prepares her towel and pyjamas, before deciding that helping her dress in the bathroom doesn’t make much sense. He helps her stand and wraps her towel around her. Stopping to give her a kiss on her lips.

“Wrap your arms around my neck girl.” he directs as he lifts her in his arms and carries her through to their room. Placing her on the edge of their bed he backtracks to the bathroom to gather her Pyjamas. When he reaches Rae again, he finds her naked. ‘She’s so beautiful, I love her so much.’ he thinks.

“Stop staring it freaks me out” Rae giggles, Finn giggles to before stopping and telling her his train of thought.

“I can’t stop staring, you’re beautiful, the most beautiful person I’ve ever saw.” she blushes and grabs her pyjarmas off him before telling him she doesn’t think she’ll wear any tonight. “The most beautiful person, who’s trying to kill me while she sleeps next to me naked.” he corrects himself. He pulls back the covers and motions for her to get in. Once she’s layback he covers her and tells her he’ll be back he’s just going to brush his teeth. He switches the light off while he’s on his way out, and kicks the switch on with his toe. He hears her faint sigh.   


He washes up and makes his way back to their room, which is now only lit by the dozens of fairy lights across the far wall of their room. When they had finally had their mortgage accepted, Rae had gone out and brought as many of the things she could find, telling Finn she had wanted them ever since he had decorated his room with them for her one night. He removes his joggers at the foot of the bed before crawling in next to her. Before he’s even settled Rae is cuddling up to him, her head on his chest.

“Thanks for changing the sheets, and the bath and for the lights, it’s so relaxing, I don’t think I can stay awake any longer, especially with you using the spray.” she lays a kiss on his chest before snuggling down. “Night girl. Love you.” he replies after laying kiss after kiss on her head. He thinks she replies ‘love you too’ but she’s that far off in dreamland he can’t be sure.

 

******

Its 4:32am when he starts to come too. The angry green numbers on their alarm clock disturbing his slumber, he feels across the bed for her but comes up empty handed. Sitting up to look around he rubs his eye with his right hand. “Rae” he calls but there’s no answer.

Getting out of bed he walks to the landing, the lights are out bar one coming from the nursery. He makes his way over, and finds her sat on the floor. Her shoulders, softly shaking as she cries.

“Babe, couldn’t sleep?” he questions as he sits behind her pulling her back into his chest. She nods. “Its all right girl, how do you feel about a little drive then?” she doesn’t reply just sniffs.

“You tided my mess up? I would have done it Finn, you already did so much. I’m sorry I’m so emotional lately.”

“Its no trouble Rae, I’m pretty sure you’ve spent the last eight years tidying after me.” He’s glad when she chuckles. “I can’t sleep, it’s driving me mad. I just can’t seem to think what I’ve left out of the hospital bag. Talking of where have you put it?”

“Shit Rae I’m sorry I forgot to tell you. Your Pyjamas were missing. They’re packed and it’s at the front door for when the time comes.” she’s full on laughing now, surprised that its actually something minor that has caused her this amount of insomnia.

“Fucking figures”, she replies, Finn thinks she wants to say more but before she can she’s wincing again.

“Is it your back?” he questions and all she can do is nod. “Come on then girl back to bed.” Helping her up they make their way back to bed. Where once again Rae snuggles into him. He can’t be sure who falls asleep first this time.

 

********

He’d woken around 8am to Rae wriggling around in her sleep, he’d loosened himself from her and gone and got the hot water bottle for her. She had woken enough to take it off him and thank him, before snuggling into him once more and falling into a deep slumber again. Finn couldn’t sleep knowing she was so uncomfortable, so he took to taking little naps in-between waking to check on her. After a few hours of dosing, when Rae hadn’t moved for a while, he thought he’d maybe try and get another hour of so in. He’s not sure how long he managed to sleep for before; he woke to a wet warm feeling on his leg, which was between Rae’s. But when she woke with a whimper and a loud moan, and the words, “it’s time” leaving her mouth; he had never been happier that her bag was packed and at the door waiting to be grabbed.


	3. Chapter 3

She finds herself carrying out Isla’s night-time feed in the nursery again. She marvels at the soft yellow walls that provide such a happy warm space, for her to carry out her mothering duties. She had wanted to go with white walls, and then she would brighten up the space with accessories, Finn had suggested yellow. She hadn’t really liked the idea, but he wouldn’t budge on it, explaining that yellow is the colour of happiness. She’s so happy she gave in and agreed, because she knows her white walls would do nothing but represent blankness, whereas Finn’s yellow made her happy, kept her calm and also warm just like Finn himself.

 

Finn had always looked after her to his best ability; nothing ever seems too much for him when it comes to her, and now their little girl. She loves him so much it’s hard for her to comprehend. She used to worry all the time that she didn’t put in as much as Finn did. It wasn’t that she ever doubted her feelings, or her commitment to their relationship, but it was more that although she gave her all in their relationship, she always thought Finn had always given more. She can actually remember the very first argument they had had once they had moved out together, she remembers he had been asking her for a few weeks what was wrong with her, and she always blew him off. This one night though it had come to blows, both severely inebriated after far to many down the Swan with the gang, Finn had called her out on her being distant, and being the full of love man he was, he asked what he had done. She blew at the thought of him thinking he had done anything wrong at all, and instead shouted about how she didn’t deserve everything he did for her and how she could never give what he gave. In His drunken state, Finn had understood wrong, and took her outburst as her trying to break up with him, like she did when she first got accepted to uni, and left her, or so she thought. The following morning she had found him curled up on the couch, he hadn’t left, he’d just spent the night downstairs. Through his hangover he managed to explain that he had taken what she had said the previous night the wrong way and how sorry he was to have walked out of the room like that. She had forgiven him instantly and said

“I deserved it Finn, I was being a cow.” to which he had put his arm around her and through his tears he had whispered;

“How come you think you deserve to be treated that way but feel as though you don’t deserve to be loved Rae?”   
And that had been the start of her going back to therapy.

 

Isla whimpers slightly while Rae refastens her baby grow. Rae is still shocked at how quiet their baby is, although they both know she has a set of lungs on her, that could rival Rae’s and Chops together; she also has this quiet side to her, which she most definably gets from her dad. Once her nappy is changed and she’s all correct in her baby grow again, Rae lifts her off the changing station to cradle her in her arms, while making her way over to the rocking chair. Sitting down she starts to undo her top ready to feed. Considering she had found her pregnancy hard, and she had struggled to cope with the impending change of becoming a mum, Rae is extremely proud with how she has been coping. During the first few weeks she didn’t really feel comfortable with any of it unless Finn was around, little did she know that Finn felt the same; but once they had settled into a routine, she was fine and would often offer to do the night change if she was awake. She loved nothing more than their quiet mornings where either her or Finn would collect Isla and they’d have their morning cuddles in their bed. When Isla was three months, they were both happy to start putting her in the nursery of a night time, which she had happily adjusted to, and while Chop might have made a comment about Rae and Finn having some adult time, they hadn’t really, they much preferred cuddling up together and listening to their baby girls soft snores through the baby walker.

 

The gang hadn’t really changed over the years; they still met on a Friday night down the Swan, although now with Isla being here, both her and Finn hadn’t been along in a few weeks. They also met for dinner once a week, which now usually meant a takeaway around their house, not that the gang minded whatsoever. Even though Chop would moan about missing out on his usual pint down the Swan, the second he’d have Isla in his arms, he’d change completely. He was proper smitten. Isla was always going to have a home away from home with Chop, Izzy and their two kids. Archie and Chloe were both smitten too; Archie now being able to call himself uncle Archie and Chloe buying matching clothes for her and Isla to wear. As she sits on Finn’s old rocking chair, handed down from his Nan, rocking Isla as she feeds, she thinks about the future, and even if her and Finn were to not have another baby, Isla will be surrounded by love from the gang and Izzy and Chops two.

 

****

When he wakes, he finds himself alone in their bed, wrapped tightly in their duvet. Their bedroom is dimly lit, by the light from their landing flooding in from around the doorframe, but yet it still causes him to squint. His head is bouncing, more than it did the morning following the night the gang had gone to wet Isla’s head. In his 27 years he has never experienced a hangover like it, however he would take that hangover over the Flu he’s currently experiencing. Rae had been so good, she had hardly let him lift a finger around the house, and he’s not shy to admit that he loves the extra snuggles he’s be claiming. He looks to his right and sure enough on his bedside table, Rae had left him a glass of water and a pack of pain killers, he sits up before popping two into his mouth and taking a drink of his water. While he sits there, he thinks back over the last four months and how brilliantly Rae had coped with becoming a mum. He knew she would make the best mum but she had such a hard pregnancy and had serious doubts. He thinks back to his daughter’s birth and thinks about the tears he cried during and after. He has always been proud of Rae but the way she coped throughout labour and everything after, sets him with this pride he can feel in his chest.

 

Finn had been so overcome with emotion from his daughter’s birth, he’d found himself crying into his dads arms on night. Finn had found himself calling his dad two days after Isla’s birth. Both Isla and Rae were sleeping, after Rae had had a salt bath, Finn had been cuddle into Rae’s side but had got up when he heard a noise coming from Isla’s moses basket. After checking her over, he realised that she was just whimpering and was in fact fine, but for some reason he was so over come with emotion, he found himself in floods of tears and swiftly reached for their house phone to call his Dad. His dad had been round within fifth-teen minutes, and Finn had cried and explained he was just so happy, and exhausted. Once he had calmed down, his dad had fixed them with a bru, and Finn had opened up more at what he thinks had caused his emotional outpour. Earlier that morning, while him and Rae were trying to get ready to make their way down to their local shop for the essentials such as milk and bread, Rae had whispered to him that she had finally found a name they would both be happy with. Isla; after his Nan of course. He’d smiled and asked if she was sure, before explaining how perfect it was and how much he loved her. And ever since that moment, he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about his Nan, he wondered if she would be proud of him, how she would feel about being a great Nan and how smitten she would be with Isla. Throughout their day Rae had picked up something had been bothering him, but he thought he was doing fine, until later that afternoon when he needed his dad and to talk about his Nan. Once his dad and his self had finished their bru’s, Isla started crying, which Finn jumped up to collect her. Once he was back in the lounge, his dad sent Finn on his way for a well-earned nap with Rae while he cared for Isla. Finn and Rae had woken two hours later to find Gary, rocking Isla off to sleep while singing her a lullaby of none other than Status Quo.

 

From the baby monitor on his bed side table, he can hear the rocking of the rocking chair and Rae humming. Feeling as though he has missed out of so much already this week while being sick, Finn makes his way to the nursery, where sure enough, he finds Rae, feeding their little bundle of joy. As he makes his way over to them, Rae catches his eye and smiles at him, before he bends to kiss her forehead, and stroke Isla’s. He makes his way to the small couch opposite the rocking chair and perches on it.

 

“How you feeling? You’ve been asleep for a good few hours.” Rae whispers softly not wanting to disturb Isla’s sleep. Finn rubs his eye before replying

“A lot better than I have been. Missed my girls too much so I had to wake up and find you both.”

Rae hums along, before gathering herself and Isla and making her way over to slot next to Finn. She sits down before motioning to Finn to place his head on her lap, which he does straight away. With her free hand she combs her fingers through his hair, which has him moaning out with satisfaction before she says; “we’ve missed you too. Its awful seeing you so ill. But it does give me chance to look after you, like you always look after me.”

 

The three of them sit in silence, cuddled up on Isla’s couch, for half an hour, all enjoying spending time with each other through the stolen hours of the early morning, before Finn sneezes. The sneeze causes him to cough, and cough and cough, until he’s sat up with Rae rubbing his back. Once his cough eases, she exclaims; “back to bed now Finn, come on.” He nods, and stands before collecting Isla’s moses basket and asking “please?” with his puppy dog eyes, he knows Rae can never resist. she tuts out a giggle before rolling her eyes and saying “Go on, Just this once.” before following Finn out of the Nursery and back into their bedroom.

 

Finn sets up Isla’s moses basket before settling into bed waiting for Rae. He sits and watches as Rae settles their daughter into the basket, closes her top, and climbs into bed next to Finn. She laughs when Finn makes a joke about her covering her breast back up, and him missing the girls, before pulling him down and cuddling him into his chest. He yawns once more before kissing the only place he can reach, her neck, while being cuddled into her chest, before speaking softly in a sleep drunken haze; “I love you Rae. You and Isla, I love you both so much.” He feels Rae kiss his head once before he’s carried off into the deepest slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~THE END~


End file.
